Lot of people complained that I didn’t call them before coming to Germany. The main reason why I couldn’t call was that I lost someone really close and it was quite hard on me. This post is dedicated to my dear one from whom I learnt a lot. I am sharing my story so that people might start believing adoption is beautiful.
I couldn’t sleep the night I heard the news that she was no more and the only way I could express my feelings was through writing. The following is the letter I wrote in the train in the middle of the night.
Dear Buzo Junior,
I can’t imagine that I will be writing this letter at 2 am in a train. I just could not sleep, your memories where popping in my head all through out. It is really tough for me to accept that you are no more with us. Why Buzo? Why?
You came into our lives when we were least expecting you. On June 23rd my Dad was sitting on a bench in a park and you came to him with that innocent and cute face. My Dad called out for my Mom and both of them asked around if you belonged to someone. Since no one claimed you, my parents just couldn’t let you be by yourself as you were weak. When I woke up, my mom gave me a news that we have a new member in our family. I rushed to the place and saw you sleeping on a mat. I cuddled you for a while and could not understand why would someone leave you. You looked weak and scared, I could not imagine what you had gone through.
My parents asked me to name you and instantly only one name came in my mind “Buzo”, our little Dachshund when I was a kid. We prepared a small basket for you and took you to a doctor. You had skin problem all over your body. You were just scratching yourself all the time, we couldn’t see your pain. We gave you a nice bath and you didn’t make any noise. We were quite skeptical whether you had a voice. We were in aww of your cute little face.
You drank some milk that day and you vomited. I was quite scared and I tried to take help from my friends who have worked on similar cases. They told me that it was just the effect of de-worming that you vomited. I was quite scared mainly because you were not eating or drinking anything. You even tried to go under shady small corner places. I tried to use my whistle sound as a bait for you to come out. My friend (Koumudi) created a WhatApp group consisting of Nita (blue cross), Ammulya (doc). I was regularly updating them regarding your health condition. I was even sending photographs of your poop constantly to check if it was alright. They helped me to understand about your skin problem, diet and medication.
I distinctly remember the day you came to our house, it was raining heavily at night. My mom woke up in the middle of the night and kept you in a safe place. A similar incident happened a few days later, but this time it was me to check how you were doing. I understood that this was the beginning of the attachment I was growing towards you.
I was quite surprised initially how intelligent you were. You tried to find the least visited places in our house to pee or poop. After a few days we wanted you get used to do your things out in the garden area. You were quite impressive, you gave us a signal to open the gate and we were quite impressed of your intelligence.
I couldn’t work for few days because every now and then I used to check your condition. I used to check if your food reached to you in time. There were days when I woke up early in the morning just to see your face and play with you. When my Mom was out of town for few days, I felt the responsibility to spend extra time with you. We had a strict rule that we couldn’t allow you inside but I just could not help for the few days. I used to take you inside the office room and make you feel comfortable. I still remember the day when you first spoke. I was giving you a lecture to behave and you shouted at me.
Today afternoon I was talking to my brother about you. I was telling him that I felt really sad when we were leaving to Bangalore. It is strange that I project to this world that physically and emotionally I am a strong character, but just the thought about leaving you behind made me cry. I almost had tears in my eyes. I was having a chat with myself, “Avi you are getting too much attached with her”. I couldn’t help it, I was in love with you.
In a couple of days I was leaving to Germany for a PhD and I knew it would be really difficult for me to say good bye. I was hoping to spend the few days I had in India with you and I had no idea that our last FaceTime would be my last memory of you. When my brother broke the news to me, I just could not believe. I rushed to my berth to take my phone and call home. I enquired about what happened and I was speechless. I just cried “1 day”. I wish I did not cancel my yesterday’s ticket and reached home by today. I might have protected you from the accident.
I am having tears writing this letter but I think this is the only way I can express my feelings for you. I love you Buzo junior and I will be missing you for the rest of my life. You are one of the beautiful beings I had ever met in my life. Every single day I spent with you will be remembered for life. The unconditional love I got from you will stay in my heart forever. You made me grow as a great human being. Thank you for everything.
Life is strange, I was supposed to fly on 23rd June and things got postponed for a month. You came to our life on the very same day and you left me forever even before I was leaving you. This isn’t fair.
I still have a feeling when I walk past the gate tomorrow, you would come running towards me and pull my jeans to play with you.